Are we only allowed one dream?
I often get asked the question if I have any regrets not racing in the World Tour any longer. I’m still ‘only 29’ and already onto the next phase of my life. It’s a difficult question to answer so this is where I’m currently at, two years later.
We all have dreams. Mine was from a very young age to be a professional cyclist, which is weird, because cycling wasn’t even that big of a sport in South Africa when I started (around the year 2000). But, from the get go my dream was to be just like one of those riders in the CycleSport magazine I repeatedly scoured. I chased it with everything I had and always had the mindset of not having a plan-B as that’s an easy way out if plan-A didn’t realize. I don’t recall going to any school parties or events as my weekend agenda revolved around either training or racing.
I’m fortunate to say that I achieved my childhood dream. I turned professional at the age of 21 after years and years of doubtlessly believing. Leading up to the day I signed my first contract I achieved a lot of success nationally. I won National Titles, represented South Africa at the World Championships and had the most amazing experiences racing in Europe as a junior. Most of these experiences involved your teeth getting kicked in race after race and basically spooning your teammate in a tiny Formula One Motel bed somewhere in France. The national team budget was tight! Wouldn’t trade those days for a thing.
My dream came true, so now what? I did every possible World Tour race except the Tour. I won a stage at the Tour of Austria and came heartbreakingly close to winning a stage at the Giro. I lost count of the amount of breakaways I got in and had multiple trips to the podium as leader of the King of the Mountains or Most Combative Rider. On most occasions I selflessly sacrificed my own little chance to work for the team. I loved that and in my biased and humble opinion, I was a bloody good domestique.
*And just a little side note here. Just because you’re living your dream it doesn’t mean it’s always great or easy. There are so many ups and downs in sport. I literally went from having an amazing Giro in 2016 to crashing on stage 21 breaking my elbow. What a dream. Never mind the sacrifices and selfishness required to put training and racing above any other priority.
At the end of 2018 my World Tour dream came to an end. Cycling is a team sport until it comes to renewing your contract. Then all of the sudden ProCyclingStats is all that matters and when a team is under pressure to make changes after underperforming then usually the domestique gets pointed at the door first. To say I was heartbroken and devastated is an understatement, especially as I personally had one of my best seasons and my numbers were on the up. It definitely took time to deal with it. Anyone who says it’s easy to walk out of professional sport when the decision was made for you is lying.
But, here’s my point and bare with me while I try to get to it. This post seemed a lot simpler in my head during my ride. Today as I’m writing this I have that same excited, tingly feeling as I did during those years visualizing my epic solo breakaway staying away. However, it’s a new dream and a new adventure that I’m on. I recently started coaching for Catalyst Coaching and I can honestly say I love my job just as much as I did racing bikes. I still ride my bike almost every day and will continue to do so probably my entire life, but instead of visualizing my victory salute I’m creating workouts or figuring out how I can best get my athletes to achieve their goals. And by saying this I’m not trying to sound corny in any way.
Just because something did not exactly pan out the way you initially thought it would or should does not mean that you don’t get a second chance or get to create a new dream. What if the best is yet to come? I’m excited about the future and believe everything happens for a reason, even when things feel entirely turned upside down at the time.
Never stop dreaming.